Thinking
by happychica
Summary: PostThresshold. Harry visits Tom in Sickbay and does some thinking. Don't judge by the summary, please.


Disclaimer: Not mine, get with the program!

A/N: OK, here's another Voyager one-shot. Enjoy!

Harry sighed again, his irritation leaking though. It was the unholy hour of 0300 hours and the Ops officer had snuck into Sickbay to visit his friend. It had been nearly a week since Tom had crossed the Threshold and experienced all o the side effects nobody could have predicted. But the Doc had fixed him, and the captains, and in a few hours they'd be released from Sickbay; back to routine life on Voyager, such as it were.

Harry froze as his friend shifted in his sleep. The Doc hadn't knocked them out this time, just letting his patients fall asleep naturally; something about "readjusting to normal habits". When the lieutenant finally stilled, Harry let his thoughts wonder back to their original train.

One of the best, and worst, parts of Voyager was the Grapevine. It was the best way to find interesting facts about people, and as life in the Delta Quadrant was as strange as it was, nobody ever needed to alter their stories. Of course, knowing about everyone else meant they all know about you.

During the days of searching for Tom and the captain, work got around that Tom had blown up at said captain, claiming that everyone thought he was a joke, that this could be the best thing that ever happened to him; he could start over because no one would be able to compare this creature with the Maquis traitor he was. Harry shivered at the thought. Tom was probably right; no one would be able to compare Tom Paris with…whatever he'd become. Relief hadn't quite covered what Harry had felt when they found their missing crewmen, and then reversed the side effects.

Now, sitting next to his sleeping comrade, Harry felt strangely detached. Part of him felt he should be angry, should be shouting himself hoarse telling his 'friend' exactly what he thought of this whole thing. But another part didn't seem to care. The bigger part couldn't find the energy to give a damn either way. _All_ of him was _very_ glad this whole thing was over and done.

Watching his friend, it occurred to the young officer that what was really bothering him wasn't what had happened. He wasn't jealous (He didn't care about crossing the Threshold himself then, and he certainly didn't now), he wasn't mad that Tom had taken the captain and run (really, he didn't think anyone was), and he thought the fact that Tom could be called a 'father' was almost laughable. What bothered him was what Tom had said, especially to him.

When Tom had woken up after being declared dead, Harry had tried in vain to come and visit him, but with the Transwarp flight, normal work, and the constant tampering with the transmissions (he'd kick whoever was doing that), he hadn't been able to find time. Nearly two days later, Harry'd all but run to the Sickbay, determined to see his friend before his shift started. True, he'd been rather shocked at his fiend's appearance, and he was sure the surprise had shown. He was not prepared for Tom's reaction.

"How could you say that?" whispered Harry, his hands fisting in his uniform. "How could you even _think_ those things? I'm not so thick as to believe that you were normal, that we'd ever be normal friends, but I thought we were at least _that_! I thought you could at least do friendship, on some level, that that was possible." Shaking his head, Harry paused, laughing quietly. "You know, they told me to stay away from you, that trying to be your friend was foolish. I didn't listen to them. You didn't seem anything like what those people said you were. I wanted to try, so I did." He paused, mulling over the thoughts that were bouncing around inside his head.

"I'm not gonna stop, I was this friendship, and I know you were out of you r mind, but it still hurt. Tom, you know what it's like to not be trusted, so you have to know how much it hurts. But to have your trust thrown back in you face!" Harry stopped, refusing to let the tears blurring his vision escape. He was stronger than this! Breathing slowly, Harry waited for his vision to clear. "I'm here if you want me, but that hurt, Tom. It really hurt." Quietly, Harry stood and left the Sickbay.

Tom slowly opened downcast blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Har…"

_fin_


End file.
